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A lotof stuff out there in the world looks appealing but doesn't live up to expectations, like an influencer's Instagram feed ora"suite" on a cruise ship.But some things,such as hot showers, hot fudge sundaesand Angela Bassettand Courtney B. Vance's hot relationship,are as good as they look.
The actors celebrated 23 years of marriage in Octoberand, instead of resting on their old-married-couple laurels,they still put in the work to keep thecommunication flowing, the support uplifting and the spark alive. (And, needless to say, they couldn'tlessresemble an old married couple on the outside.)
"Find a nice person," Bassett advised in a recent chat withExtra. "Someone who's in it to fight, in it to win with you and who supports you. And on top of it,they're really a nice person."
Expanding on just how kind her husband is, theOscar-nominated actressrecalled toPeoplein 2018 how Vancestepped upwhen, while planning their 1997 weddingand shootingHow Stella Got Her Groove Backat the same time,she started to feel overwhelmed.
"It was like, 'I'm trying to do this and I'm also trying to be Stella,'" Bassett said."'OK, it's a lot going on here and I need you to step in and help me out with this.' He was like, 'What [do you need]?' That's all you have to do, is tell him to step in and he shows up for you. Not just for me, but for any of his friends, whoever he loves or whatever mentee may reach out to him. He steps up and steps in for you."
After adding twins to the mix,daughterBronwyn and sonSlater, now 15, and maintaining impossibly busy careers over the years, it sounds as though Vance's willingness to step up—and in—hasn't changed a bit.
Watch:
Angela Bassett & Courtney B. Vance Couple Up at 2019 Oscars
"It's not like 'I expect this, I expect that from you,' dinner on the table every day, or this, that and the other," Bassett explained. "I have to go sometimes. I can't be there sometimes, and he steps in there. He's right there."
True story. AsVance toldUs Weeklyin 2019, "It's, 'Yes, dear. How can I help? What do you need me to do?'"
But the funny thing is, she wasn't always superintothat sort of thing.
TheIvy League alums, Bassett having graduated from Yale and Vance getting his BA from Harvard, first crossed paths in the early 1980s at Yale Drama School. And that was it.
No, really, that was all.
"He had a beautiful, beautiful girlfriend at the time, who was also in drama school with us," Bassett toldPeople. Meanwhile,when they both sat down for The Oprah Winfrey Showin 2007, Vance admitted, "I don't remember her at all, really." Shaking his head and chuckling, he added, "I don't have a clue."
A smiling Bassett described drama student Vance toOprah Winfreyas "tall-ish[he's 5-foot-9 to her petite 5-foot-4], dark, skinny, and just...alluring." But Vance continued to insist that he was obliviousthen to her charms, including whenshe shared the stage with his girlfriend in a theater production.
His memory improved over the years, though.
"She was leaving as I was coming in," Vance, who'sturning 61 on March 12,explained to Wendy Williamson her talk showin 2016. "She was helping me, showing me around, and she was with somebody at the time and I was with somebody at the time. We were friends and for 13 years we were on theAugust Wilson circuit, doing his plays."
But, as he said, they were with other people.
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After getting her master's degree in 1983, Bassett worked steadily, mainly in TVuntil she played the mother of Cuba Gooding Jr.'steen character in John Singleton's seminal dramaBoyz in the Hood, which came out in 1991.The following year came her supporting turn as Betty Shabazz in Spike Lee's Malcolm Xopposite Denzel Washington.But it was her powerful, Oscar-nominated, Golden Globe-winning performance as Tina Turnerin What's Love Got to Do With Itthat vaulted her into theranks of Hollywood's sought-after stars, a perch from which she never descended.
Vancewas nominated forTonyAwardsfor Wilson'sFences in 1987 and John Guare'sSix Degrees of Separationin 1991. He made his film debut in the 1987 war dramaHamburger Hill and parts inThe Hunt for Red October,The Adventures of Huck FinnandDangerous Minds, as well as tons of TV, followed.
And after graduate school, he and Bassett wouldn'ttry being anything more than friends until 1994.
"So maybe about 14 years later, our paths crossed here in Los Angeles," Bassett toldPeople."And I was single, he was single. And I had such an appreciation for him over those years—of his consistency, how he treated other people, of what a supporter he is, what a connector of people and ideas he is, how passionate he is."
So imagine her surprise when she found their first date to be a bit of a snooze. "Dare I say, it wasn't memorable?" she told Winfrey. Vance explained, "I think that was because it was not a good date."
Bassett continued, "He just seemed like a really, really nice guy. Which translated: 'kinda boring.'" After another good laugh, she added, "That was it. Wasn't gonna give him a second thought."
Apparently "nice"—a quality she obviously adores about him now—hadn't made it to the top of her list yet.
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"I think so," Bassett said, agreeing with Winfrey that sometimes you have to grow up before you can truly appreciate a no-drama situation. "Maybe me being an actress, all that drama, maybe that had something to do with it," she said.
"It was tricky," Vance described that no-go of a date to Wendy Williams. "That's all I'm gonna say, it wastricky."
As fate would have it—truly, they both believe—she did deign to meetup with him again, and they went golfing. They've been apairever since, even collaborating (with writer Hilary Beard) on the 2006 bookFriends: A Love Story, about their upbringings and eventual coupling.
Asked when he realized he was falling in love, Vance cited that second date,telling Winfrey, "I just started playing golf and I love it." Bassett didn't play, but he urged her to come along anyway. "'Even better, I can stand behind you, show you how to putt,'" she cracked, suggesting what may have been on his mindat the time. "So we went to the driving range," Vance continued, "and we had agreattime, it was agreatdate...And I said [to myself], 'I like her.' Something was happening."
Bassett noted, "It was just easy, not putting anything on it...Not trying to impress." Though that was easy for her to say.
Soon after, Vance sat down to write her a little note, to divulge how he really felt.
"After about a hundred" attempts, he went with the tried-and-true grade school approach: "I like you, you like me? Check 'yes' or 'no.'"
Reader, she checked "yes."
"I saw his heart in the note," Bassett said, "and we had spent that time together, that week together, and I think I began to see the heart of the man, and it was intriguing."
And though the move was pure elementary school, their first kiss made Bassett feel "like a teenager," as she reminisced in their book. "I got pinpricks and chills up the back of my thighs and across my butt, up my neck and across my scalp."
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After that electric encounter, Bassett had to fly to Milan to attend a fashion showand, as she recalled, she couldn't sleep on the plane or, really, the whole time she was there, she was too excited, replaying the kiss in her mind.
As was Vance, who had headed straight to his hometown of Detroit for his mother Leslie's retirement party. He planned to tell her that he'd found the one. "It was a very exciting time," he said.
Despite his grad school amnesia, when he and Bassett finally did get together, he toldPeople,it was "like old friends who all of a sudden looked up and said, 'Hmmm...' Gradually it dawned on us that we like each other."
They got married Oct. 12, 1997, having spent the 12 months leading up their big day being celibate. That's right, celibate.
"Because we knew this relationship was so special we decided to abstain from sex until after we were married," Vance told Winfrey, to which Bassett added, "That was my brilliant idea, but it wasn't easy. Actually, one night, I did beg Courtney to give in."
One plan they made, however, wasn't meant to be—at least not quite as they originally thought.When they started trying to have children, "it was not happening," Bassett, who went through multiple rounds of unsuccessful IVF, summed it up to Winfrey. "Or it would happen and then it would...go away. So it was really rough."
They opted for surrogacy and welcomed their twins onJan. 27, 2006.
"Just standing there together, holding each other," Bassettrememberedtheirbirth, "with the realization that this is the moment that we've been working toward, praying for, and here he comes, here comes Slater. Here comes Bronwyn. He's cool, and she's 'whaaaa.'" She laughed. "That's right, girl, that's the way you go into the world."
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Having kids "continues to let me know that it's about her," Vance said, pointing at Bassett. "When we first got married, her sister sat us downin her living room and told us, 'My husband comes first.'" But that mantra wasn't for him.
"And so that stuck in my mind that, throughout all the problems that we go through in terms of having children, she's first," Vance said. "And I wanted her to know, it's not about the babies for me, it's about her. Because when the babies come, it just means we've got to be more clear in terms of what we're about, and the decisions that we have to make."
If you'd like to take amoment to swoon, go right ahead.
Happily (and no small thing when it comes to celebrity marriages),both of their acting careers proved built for the long haul, which has madefor both a comfortable life and countless stylish red carpet moments over the years along with the need to balance two packed schedules.
"Our focus is on our children and what we need to do as a family," Vance told Us Weekly in 2019 at the Avengers: Endgamepremiere, where he was supporting his wife's second turn as Ramonda, Queen Mother of Wakanda. "Careers and things follow that."
Of course, reaching that likely conclusion took some work.
"I don't think I have a great ego that just gobbles everything in sight," Bassett told Winfrey when asked how they handled the sometimes tricky business of sharing (or alternating turns in) the spotlight. "I'm proud of the accolades that he receives. And that is something we had to navigate early on."
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Vance, who wrote in their book about his nurturing mother and present but emotionally undemonstrative father, added, "The larger issue for me is that I had to acknowledge that she's first. I had to learn, because I didn't know...I thought I was ready when we first got married, but through counsel I started to understand, once I allow in my mind for her to be first, all the other things—about the business [and other decisions]—I said, 'Well, wait a minute, we've got to decide whatwewant first.' And then, that calmed me down."
After his dad died, "I had to go back and start to reclaim myself, and start to remember things, and then," Vance recalled, "I had to kind of put my career on hold for a little bit and start to refocus on myself—and consequently, get ready for her."
Not that this equally swoon-worthy recollection meant that his evolution from closed-off guyto emotionally generous partner was entirely seamless. But when heand Bassetttied the knot, he had no intention of lettingthat bondunravel.
"I'm putting two feet in with this one," the actor also said. "We're not going to be doing shows and movies together. We need to close the doors and figure out our marriage. We had to make a commitment to each other that divorce is not an option and to take it off the table."
Added Bassett, "He said that we would have to fight through it to get to the other end of it. It was really wonderful."
Touching upon his time spent with a trainer whowas also a marriage counselor, Vance said onRachael Rayin2007, "So everyday I was being counseled, and he asked me what it cost when she asked me—if we were in a car—'Which way do we go?' to say, 'Which way do you want to go?' I want peace in my home. I want that smile every day. What I had to realize was that she's first and when the queen is happy, the land is happy."
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They've still only acted together twice, on stage in Minneapolis costarring in a 2005 production ofHis Girl Friday,and playinghusband and wife onERin its 15th and final season in 2008, when Bassett scrubbed in as chiefof emergency medicine Dr.Catherine Bancroft. Lately they've bothtriumphed in the Ryan Murphyuniverse, Vance winning an Emmy for his portrayal ofJohnnie Cochran onAmerican Crime Story: The People v O.J. Simpsonand Bassett appearing on several seasons ofAmerican Horror Story and starring on the Fox hit9-1-1(which she's also now executive-producing).
She also, no big deal, has enjoyed some big-screen franchise gigs, playing Black Panther's regal motherin the Marvel Cinematic Universe and CIA director Erika Sloanein themost recent and upcoming Mission: Impossiblemovies.
Vance starred on the HBO historical-horror seriesLovecraft Country and now he's playing Aretha Franklin's father, C.L. Franklin, on the newest season of National Geographic Channel's anthology seriesGenius, premiering March 21.He's also, incidentally, halfway to an EGOT, having won a Tony Award in 2013, Best Featured Actor in a Play forLucky Guy. In 2019 he was nominated for a Grammy, Best Spoken Word Album for his reading ofNeil deGrasse Tyson's bookAccessory to War, so these opportunities are there.
And while Vance wins all the awards for putting his wife first, the support river does run both ways. Bassett actually turned down a roleto star with Cicely Tyson inA Trip to Bountifulon Broadway because Vancewas already doingLucky Guy and, having just finished shooting the filmBlack Nativity, she needed to take time to be available for her family.
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"We have twins with the nanny and his mother is 78, so I had to let that go," Bassett explained to WENN in 2013."I came back to the New York stage two years ago and did The Mountaintop and the twins were 5 then, almost 6, so they could sort of get it. The timing was they weren't in first grade so I could bring them to New York for three weeks and they could stay over Thanksgiving and Christmas.
"This year, with Courtney being here, they got the weekend and he got Monday [off]. I will probably return to the stage when he comes home from the stage, or my twins get a little bit older." (She hasn't yet, butonly because she's been working nonstop in TV and film ever since.)
"I want what I want, he wants what he wants and sometimes they're not the same," Bassett said in a 2018 interview, "but we've learned how to negotiate to make each other happy and fulfill our dreams and desires. He makes me a better person. He lets me be me and do me. He is a great support person for anyone."
When he won his Emmy in 2016, he built up to a grand finish in his speech, thanking their children and then concluding, to much applause, "And last but not least, to the woman that rocksmychain! Angela Evelyn Bassett, this one is for you, girl!"
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As for their kids,they haven't really been bitten by the acting bug, Bassett relayed toExtra in February.
"You would think, with two parents that are in the industry and applying their craft for so many years, thatmaybea little bit of that would rub off on these teenagers," she said, "butI don't think they've really done any acting sinceCharlotte's Webin third grade. Even then, they didn't want to take any of my directorial advice."
They both love music, though, Slater a rap aficionado who's been writing his own lyrics, while Bronwyn "loves to compose, and she's more of a folksy vibe," the proud mom said."I'm glad that early on we were able to afford to get them lessons in piano."
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Bassett toldExtraa year ago that while she wouldn't be running headlong into danger anytime soon like badass cop AthenaGrant, her character on9-1-1who lets her "live my kick-butt dreams," she 100percent identifies withAthena "loving her kids, loving her husband, family."
Andcompromise continues to win the day.
"Negotiation and just being easy" are thekeys to happiness in their castle after all theseyears, she said. "Harder on yourself, easy on the other person, I think. You know, you want to be happy and some days yougotto let some stuff go. Just let it slide!"
